guys are only as good as the porn they watch
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
