I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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