You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
