Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This is the high leading the old right now
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
