Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
