I think I won the penis lottery.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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