This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
