I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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