I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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