Three words: puerto rican gang bang
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Randomize
