How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
