Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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