A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When did angry sex become our thing?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My bed smells like the plague
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
