It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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