I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
