i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
