you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
