I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Banned from zoo.
Again?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
