and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
