hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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