singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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