i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
