It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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