I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
