If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
