hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
