Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
