hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
