I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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