I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
