Don't you send me to vm
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
