Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
