I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
