Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
sarcasm needs its own font
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have tasted many bathrooms
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
