nut hugger
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
