Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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