I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
