Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
