Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
