why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
