I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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