Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
