I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
