i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
