the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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