You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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