Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
