and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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