Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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