Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
